Don't get hung up on the ‘how’ and instead ‘allow’
How did it feel to see your fearful thought as separate from you
Catching those fearful thoughts is like bobbing for apples. You miss so many but then when you finally get one it is so satisfying!
What kind of relief did you experience from practicing your affirmation?
True, honest relief. This helps me to remember “my reactions are the work upon myself”. Catching the negative thought pattern, especially around the kids continuously needing something, helped me step back and see the situation for what it was. A mix of slack boundaries, my reluctant, tired ego and a cry for love.
Did your affirmation stop you from acting out with self-destructive behavior?
Yes, many times. Rather than prolonged, emotional encounters which escalate leaving me with guilt, I was able to pull up my mummy socks much quicker, inject love and end the situation. On my self sabotaging thoughts what happens is the conversation just stops. Yay!
Are you committed to practicing this self-forgiveness affirmation all the time?
Yes! It has been on my phone as an alarm reminder since last time I did this course. I love it.
When I first started on my growth work path there was so much I wasn’t willing to forgive. As I did the work I became aware of my elders that hung on with the last fibers of their being to thought patterns, behaviors, experiences and people that didn’t serve them. In most cases they were hanging onto ‘stuff’ that had happened 20, 30, 50, 70 years ago! and I was determined not to end up as miserable and sad as them.
We all know people like this. The grandfather that felt neglected so every time you visited he would show you on the calendar the mark from when you had last visited. Or the Lady who lives opposite the primary school who 20 years ago had someone park in front of one of her car parks, and now watches and takes note of where the busy mum's park their cars for 3 minutes as they kiss their dear children and say goodbye. I might have a bit more to forgive on this one!
My point being, let's find a way to release all this stuff that's been festering around in our Auras. Great, we can do this affirmation
I forgive myself for having this thought, I choose love instead
from now on, but what about all the emotional garbage we have been carrying around for years. I heard an extract from a book called “My grandmother's hands” by Resmaa Menakem. There is a lot in here about racialised trauma which we should all read about but the part that caught my attention was in regards to releasing emotional trauma in our bodies. This reading eloquently relayed what I personally KNOW to be true about trauma and unexpressed emotion. I have been involved in psychodramatic work where we re-enter the trauma and play it out to the bitter end. The individual experiencing the trauma gets to role reverse with the other people, objects, resistances that were there. EVERY SINGLE TIME it finishes with loving arms wrapped around this blessed person. They have seen the experience through and have released it from the body.
We can’t all do this practice with every unresolved experience we have but there are other ways that we can start to reduce the tension here. Below are my top 5!
- Journal the experience through to the end that you needed at this time. Express your emotions, try to think about what was going on for the others involved. Be truthful, finish in love.
- Act it out yourself, role reverse with the others that were involved. Try to embody them at this time, how they felt, what was going on in their lives, their past experiences that lead them there.
- Light it up. Write it out and offer it up in flames as part of a releasing ritual. I love doing this with old journals and diaries. “I ask that the energy that is stored on this paper be released into the fire and all attachments and bonds removed that are anchored to any part of me being if that be for the greatest good of all”.
- Amazonite (crystals!) is known to soothe trauma and calm the mind. As a throat and heart chakra crystal it will help you to verbalise the experience and align with a more positive reality. Peacefully see the situation from another's point of view and provide clarity.
- Allow a Reiki session to fill all the dark crevices you didn’t even know you had with love and light. Even better, learn how to fill yourself with light and ease the distress you feel with a daily 20 minute ritual.