Parent vs Mother

This is how I see it…

The role of Mother is the loving nurturer
The role of Parent is an unwavering guide.

Both are needed and as equally important, and often challenging to keep in balance.

So often as caregivers we unintentionally choose the nearsighted kind “nurturer” response over the perceived unkind “guide” response.
What this looks like in real life is moving out of alignment with our core beliefs for instant relief.

For example. We all know candy isn’t healthy for our children in many ways. At least this MY core belief (one I feel strongly about). My children know this. However there are times I waiver in my resolve such as if the boys are upset or emotional.

In these moments I’m responding from my mummy-ness. I want to “spoil” them, shower them in love.

Let’s look at the above sentence. Is feeding them candy truly showing them I love them? Or am I in fact “spoiling” them.

Hear me out. Right now you think I’m a little extreme in my views, “a little candy won’t hurt”. True… and false.

In the unintentional pleasing of my kids and giving them candy when they feeling sad, lonely, hurt, vulnerable, shamed, guilty or unworthy I am saying to them that it’s ok to make yourself feel better with sweets. That the sweet stickiness will fill a void inside you.

Do you know anyone that eats their emotions?

I eat my emotions. I am still working on this. I know the damage that this has been done to my self esteem and body image. I choose to be a “parent”, a guide, aligned with my core beliefs.

I know in the crux of the moment when I intentionally say “candy won’t fill the depths of your emotions” the kids are going to be angry, frustrated and feel unseen.

I am prepared for this perceived view of being unkind. I know that when I respond from my empowered, sacred self, when I am intentional, that I am being the unwavering guide they need.

It may not look like a WIN WIN in the moment but in the long term I have doubled to them being my authentic self, and that food will not eat up your emotions.
In a situation where the kids have emotions that feel really big, instead of filling up in food I guide them on ways to release the fear that’s surfaced.

This may look like role play, punching cushions, walking hand in hand, actively listening, and holding them.

I have used smothering our emotions in sweet stickiness as an example, but the same principles apply to all wants; clothing, make up, screen time, toys, and even some social connections.

If this resonates at all with you I invite you to intentionally work on your core beliefs. What are your family values?

And the key to successfully pulling this off… communicate!

From your empowered beingness share with your children where you stand. Have a conversation with your partner so you are united in your “parent”, guiding approach.
Parenting with intentional, long sighted vision mirrors to your kids that you are someone they can rely on. That you have integrity and stand by what you believe in. It teaches what real love is.

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